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Jokes nuff said :)

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Old 09-01-2018, 10:17 PM
Ronnie Ronnie is offline
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Collingwood supporter

A Collingwood girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the welfare officer.

"Ten" replies the Collingwood girl,

"Ten?" says the welfare worker.

"What are their names?"

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Collingwood girl, "It's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!' or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare worker.

"That's easy," says the Collingwood girl... "I just use their surnames"

Q. What do you call a 27 year old Collingwood girl?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What does a Collingwood girl use as protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.

Q. There are two Collingwood girls in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman..

Q. What's the most confusing day in Collingwood ?
A. Father's day

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Collingwood ?
A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Collingwood fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Collingwood fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'

'Because I'm not a Collingwood fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Collingwood fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Carlton fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Carlton fan?'

'Because my mum is a Carlton fan, and my dad is a Carlton fan, so I'm a Carlton fan too!'

'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Carlton fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time...
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Collingwood fan.

An Australian, an Irishman and a Collingwood supporter are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'

Jesus then approaches the Collingwood supporter who says, 'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.

A Collingwood supporter walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is $200,000 a year'.

The Collingwood supporter said 'You're bull****ting me!'

The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

Police cordoned off Collingwood City Centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car. It later turned out to be a pay slip.
Ronnie from Melbourne
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Old 16-01-2018, 12:34 AM
SonnyCaan SonnyCaan is offline
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Lol! These made my day.
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