Jokes from The Admin

[muppie]

A lady went to an auction and found something she wanted more than anything else. It was a parrot, and she decided to bid for it.

The bids went higher and higher, but finally she got the bird for $49.50. Then it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn't found out the most important thing about the bird.

"Does it talk?" she asked the auctioneer.

The auctioneer smiled, "Who do you think was bidding against you all the time?"

[muppie]

A drunk is standing, pissing into a fountain in the middle of town, so a cop comes up to him and says, "Stop that and put it away!"

The drunk shoves his **** into his pants and does up his zip.

As the cop turns to go, the drunk starts laughing.

"Okay, what's so funny?" asks the cop.

"Fooled you. I put it away, but I didn't stop."

[muppie]

Her mother decided that 10-year-old Susie should get something practical for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?"

Susie was delighted.

"It's your account," Susie's mother said as they entered at the bank, "so you fill out the application."

Susie was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank." With just a slight hesitation, she put down "Piggy."

[muppie]

The census taker knocked on Miss Kimball's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age.

"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.

"Did Daisy Hill, and Loretta Hill tell you their ages?"

"Certainly."

"Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped.

"As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form.

[muppie]

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband's home early!"

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't
jump out the window! "It's raining out there!" She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!"

So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. One of the runners
asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

The nude man answered breathlessly, "Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

His reply: "Only if it's raining.